Saturday.

Saturday.

 

My day consisted of early morning cartoons with Ryder, catching up on laundry, sleeping and finding out that I have Pneumonia.  Happy Saturday, right? Sigh. I have to be off of my mood stabilizer medications for the 5 days that I’m doing the Z-pac because there is such a high chance of an interaction, so that should be absolutely wonderful (note the sarcasm). I still have so much laundry left; I haven’t even began folding the 4 loads that I’ve already got done & strung out across the bed – I still have 1 in the washer, 1 in the dyer and 3 loads waiting. My neighbors have company, there is about 12 people in a 2 bedroom apartment and they’re being ridiculously loud, so I suppose I’ll be dealing with that since I don’t want to be overly rude just because I don’t feel good. Michael thinks I have the plague or something (and is avoiding me at all possible costs) he keeps telling me that if I would just “center my chi” I wouldn’t get sick as much because my mind convinces my body that I’m sick when I’m really not; I’m thinking I will sleep on the couch tonight. Lol. Wish me luck.

Grief. Coping.

Grief. Coping.

I just want it to all be okay again..

My therapist has told me that I’m grieving. I’m grieving the loss of my old life, I’m grieving for the things that I can’t do anymore, I’m grieving for things that haven’t even happened yet. Sometimes, I go through so many different emotions in a day – I can’t keep everything straight and my mind gets all jumbled up, I sleep the days away or I get cranky and take out all of my fear on those closest to me; sometimes, it hits me way too hard. I need to learn how to cope, I have to learn how to deal – that’s just the way it has to be. I don’t know how long it’s going to take or how many times I will go through the grief cycle or learn coping skills before it all finally settles down and I can get back to a somewhat normal life, but it needs to happen soon, because I’m starting to lose everything that matters to me. I can’t fight this battle alone, so I need to learn how to not push everyone away; I need people in my corner.

 

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