It’s dark.

It’s dark.

Today has been bad. So bad. Sometimes I think that I can fight through the darkness – but today, I am convinced that I’ll never climb out of this. But you know what? Maybe I just don’t want to be back into the light, maybe I want to live like this, maybe I want to keep pushing people away and stay isolated; maybe it’s easier this way, maybe I don’t want to change everything that I’ve always known. I know that I have so much to live for and that I should just “get over this and enjoy life” but it just seems like this is an easier way to live – alone. I just feel so useless anyways, that I kinda just feel like I might aswell not even make an effort to change, because this is how it’s always been. I just feel so miserable and I feel like I drag everyone else down with me – which isn’t fair. I don’t think that people deserve to be consumed into my darkness, which is why I try to stay away. I don’t know. My mind is racing, I can’t stop the thoughts, I just want it to all calm down… I want to be at peace again. WHY? Why is this so hard? Why do I live this way?

Advertisements